Maybe it's NOT about the happy ending, maybe it's about the story.

I think I think too much sometimes.

I know that I've told you this all before, but.....My life used to be a nice neat package, all tied up with a pretty organza bow. A steady stream of very predictable activities from day to day, with no major surprises. (Mmm hmm, just the way I like it.) I went about my daily duties of raising a family and keeping a home, feeling secure and blissfully content. I was one happy camper all right, filling a role that I adored and felt I was meant to be doing.

When all of that changed, about two months shy of five years ago, I started on a long and winding trail of self examination and discovery. (Oh, the things I have done in the past half decade that I never dreamed I would do!) The ups and downs, (mentally, emotionally, financially and geographically...) and the highs and lows of starting my life over at the half century mark have been anything but predictable, and full of surprises!(And I must also add, looking back over these past few years, much of it is better than I could ever have imagined.)

By far the biggest adjustment has been the fact that my future doesn't "look" like I ever expected it would look. Learning to roll with the punches is one thing,and being at peace with not knowing exactly how the future is going to look is entirely different. This being said, please understand that I am not saying I am not happy these days, I am just saying it's been an entirely different ride than I thought I had bought a ticket for....(I am guessing that many of you feel like I do, whether your life changes are brought on by divorce, death, the lousy economy, or any number of other events.)

The simple fact is that I assumed that I had the happy ending to my story all dialed in. (And we all know what they say about when we "assume" things...)Way back then,I thought I knew precisely how that ending would look,some thirty plus years ago.(Aaaah, the stuff we think we know when we are young!)

Now, not-so-much. In fact, I don't have any idea how my little story is going to end, and I realized that this is what is constantly nagging at me. That whole I-wanna-skip-to-the-last-chapter-of-my-life-'coz-I-need-to-know-now thing is not living in the present.

Nope.

I am learning, ever so slowly, that maybe, just maybe...it isn't about zeroing in on the happy ending. If I'm obsessed with lurching ahead and focusing on the ending, I'll miss the whole rest of the story, and that is where all of the adventure really lies.

PS....