Can you relate to this?

I am not at all sure which sounds more fun, my annual Pap exam, a root canal, or jean shopping. It's a toss up.

For me, jean shopping is such a traumatic experience that I put it off as long as humanly possible. Currently, my favorite jeans are down to the thread-bare-out-of-shape-and-very-nearly-out-of-style stage, and have been in this state since last spring. I was able to ignore the situation through summer, because..well, it was summer and I was able to wear skirts, sundresses, and shorts. Now, that Autumn is here (on the calendar at least...thankfully we are still enjoying temps in the mid 80's here...) I have to face the fact that sometime soon I need to brave the mall and go jean shopping. I just need to try and get in the right mind set to be able to do it.

Maybe you can answer some of the questions my inquiring mind has regarding jean shopping...or not. I'm just thinking you can relate....

First off...who was the guy that came up with skinny jeans? I want his name and number. Seriously, nothing screams look-how-big-my-bootie-is louder than skinny jeans.

And, when did we decide having the rear pockets half way down our patooties was a look we could all pull off? It feels weird, having my pockets down that low. I feel like they slid off my rear end. It may work for the Olsen twins, but I won't be rockin' that look, no matter what the folks at Buckle want me to believe.

Could there be a more expansive product group than jeans? I think not. Every designer makes them, and some of them even attempt to lure us in with cheesy names (Not My Daughter's Jeans? Oh, pul-eease. I can't quite bring myself to even try those on.) Let me say here, loud and clear, I would pay any price to find a pair of jeans that would make me look aaaah-mazing. I've tried all the brands...from affordable, to you-might-need-to-take-out-a-loan-and-make-payments and I haven't found a brand that works that kind of magic on my body...yet.

While we're at it, who designs fitting rooms these days? What happened to the old school hinged three piece mirrors so you could catch every angle of yourself? How are we supposed to see how the low slung pockets look on our patooties when there is only one mirror in the fitting room? (Hmmmm....come to think of it, maybe that is exactly why there is only one mirror..maybe their hope is that what we don't know won't hurt us?) I stand there trying to glance over my shoulder to see my rear and kind of end up chasing my self in a slow circle like a puppy chasing his tail...I once even resorted to holding up a compact mirror from my eyeshadow to see if I catch a view of how I look as I walk out of a room...without much luck.

Whether I am successful or not at making a purchase, my jean shopping trips historically end with me feeling so fat and frumpy that all I want to do is find a Dairy Queen and console myself with a Peanut Buster Parfait.

But, maybe that's just me...?