So, I am aware that I may have already lost some of you with my title and the photo above.(and by "some of you" I mean everyone under the age of 35. If you're confused, you can get up to speed right here.)
You know how that guy wrote that book about women being from Venus and Men from Mars? Well, okay, so I never actually read it myself, but I am fairly certain the concept is that women are all about thinking (over-thinking?)..er..feeling...with our hearts (hence the Venus, Goddess of Love reference) and men are...well, I have no real idea (maybe I should have read the book?)except that I think they are much more basic, and logical,(or maybe that should be illogical...) although not any less complex to women.
They are most definitely not as touchy-feely-heart-on-our-sleeve-ish as we girls are. (Apparently that is where the Mars reference comes in. They are Martians, for Pete's sakes. It's no small wonder we have trouble communicating with them.)
Anyway.
I have been pondering all of this lately because I am realizing that I am rather a novice level girl in the boy-girl communication department when it comes to getting my thoughts across to my Rock n' Roll Buddy. Maybe it comes from not having a long list of men on my relationships list, and having spent multiple decades with one man...er...Martian.
That other Martian and I developed our own way of showing our feelings and communicating in a particular way that became familiar...a habit.
For. Three. Decades.
Then, I spent five years solo. I didn't realize it, but I grew fairly comfortable with making my own decisions, both the itty-bitty-little ones and the ginormous ones.
Take all that into account, and add the fact that I am..well, let's just say it, fif-fif-fifty five. We are both older, and
For five years,I didn't have to ask anyone if they liked the giant vintage firewood holder I ran out and bought for the living room. I just went with my gut.
And now,....well,I get on auto pilot, like we all do on Venus, and assume just how my Rock n' Roll Buddy will respond, (Que in background music and pan in to Tracey-ville, USA, with Ward Clever smiling in lustful admiration at June as she shows him the fabulous wood holder, making his life oh-so-complete.)I assume he will appreciate certain things I do and say in the same manner that the other Martian did for thirty some years.(I came to this incorrect conclusion by the way, by surmising that, after all, they are both Martians, right?)
Only, that isn't what happens.
His response is...different than I was accustomed to way back when. Different than I expect. (Typical Martian....)
*sigh*
Me, being from Venus, with all of my romantic notions,(mmm hmmm,very clearly a Venus girl all the way, what with serving him his heated syrup in a sweet lil' pour-cup for pancakes, and having lil' felted wool birdies in snow hats adorn our winter-time table scape...)while he, quite obviously has to be from Mars.(How else can you explain the need to keep two working microwave ovens in the same kitchen, and three cordless drills in the garage?)
I feel very much like I am trying to master a foreign language of some sort. There is a learning curve in blending personalities and belongings from two such different planets, and I am grasping little pieces of wisdom....most importantly, I can tell you that he is definitely my favorite Martian.
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Omg Tracey ~ this is hysterical, but I relate so much! Last martian was 15 yrs, 10 yrs solo, and sooooo alpha, and no compromising on decorating ;) now a new Martian, and Italian variety at that! How we compromise, i.e. "blend" is to practice. I learn his "style"...plain, we call it vanilla, and of course i am so rainbow with sparkles......I like to take a picture, and text him. tell him it is on sale, i LOVE love LOVE it, will his "style sense" appreciate it? it is the action of asking, NO! not for permission, but for the action of compromise....for the most part if i don't overwhelm him with "stuff" he is easy breezy......boys like to feel always in control, and driving..........the alpha in me ruffles ~ but comes out flirty, when i xoxoxo with a plan in advance ;) hope this helps, and oh! btw, the book was helpful ~ then it is all auto pilot, as you already understand that those Martians like to like in your world, as long as they "think" they are driving.....they like the sparkles, and ruffles, really do......Is your Rock n Roll an Italian as well?
ReplyDeleteI think it's harder on you because you moved to his place and you are trying to fit in to his lifestyle. If he moved to your place he would feel like he has to do the fitting.
ReplyDeleteJust remember the truth is no man has as great a style as you! Just take over LOL Kidding of course...sort of.
Good luck. It's hard to live with someone, no matter who they are or how much you love them.
Sounds grand to me. This could be the one, hugs Mary
ReplyDeleteTracey how hard it is on us girls when we have expectations. My gal friends and I discuss that these expectations can quickly turn into dissapointment so best not to expect just let what happens happen. You two are so new into this living arrangement yet that I'm sure it will get better. I am blessed that my hubby leaves decorating up to me with no opinion unless I ask. I too am a romantic and had to raise my hubby up to be one too (lol)...it takes time and work....slow and steady. I think if someone has an attachment to two microwaves they must have a sentimental personality that will come out in the relationship with nurturing and communication. Your martian is so lucky to have you.
ReplyDeleteI think it is partly the musician in him that makes him care about surroundings. My dad is a life long musician and used to throw my mom curve balls all the time (think 70's ROUND king size bed with crushed light blue velvet fitted bedspread and matching crown shaped headboard that he purchased one day to surprise her!!LOL She lived with that for a decade and a half before she could justify replacing it.) I like Caribare's advice and humorous take on it all. And when my own "Martian" expresses an opinion on something that goes against my own inclination, I try to remember it's just stuff and not as important as valuing each other. Best of luck to you both as you work out the logistics - you're blessed to have each other! :)
ReplyDeleteLove how you tied it all together with that last line. (Being almost 54, of course I remember that show fondly) After recently reading Peter Walsh's new book, Lighten Up, we (I) have decided to edit our belongings after almost 31 happy years of marriage. Whoa, we've had some interesting discussions about what to keep and what has to go. Happy Birthday and happy blending lives with Ralph.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! My experience is that my first martian didn't say much and I did what I wanted with the house. Now, I realize it was the fact he really didn't give a hoot about our surroundings and that included me!
ReplyDeleteMy second martian however has an opinion and so we definitely had to work on meshing our styles and things together. I agree, it took some getting use to. We have been together 32 years now, and he still has an opinion and I love him for it! He cares about our surroundings but most importantly about me and our happiness together. He is my Favorite Martian as well!
Jeannette
Oh, gosh...so real...so funny! Tracey, I had to set my tea aside so I could giggle without choking! Love to you!
ReplyDeleteMy own Favorite Martian doesn't care so much about what it is so much as how much it cost!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with this, it'll work out.
Love your post and I'm sure you will work everything out together! Your daughter's wedding was so classy! She looked like a movie star and the black & white pics in front of the water fall are georgeous! Also loved her coat! Congratulations to you and your family!
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